the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
honey bunches of taint.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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