Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
