her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
