I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
