i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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