Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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