It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
