I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
