then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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