This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
