How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
