And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
