i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
