what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm too high and old for this...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
