i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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