It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
