Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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