Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
