That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she peed on how many people?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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