i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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