You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
