Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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