your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
