If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
