How'd it feel making her break her religion?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone came in the potted fern
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
