you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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