The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
