a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
