you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
soo... how was my night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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