I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
