you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
