Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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