i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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