her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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