Having a random hookup so left but love u
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
