CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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