Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
