I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
