I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
