you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Welp...herpes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
