i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
