omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
