I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
