She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Are we still banned from the library?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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