Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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