I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
