Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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