Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
