I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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