Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
