WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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