Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize