Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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