I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
