I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
