And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
