Where did you get a picture of my penis
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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