FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
