hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
