I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
