Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
