i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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