dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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