I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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