Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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