4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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