My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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