We named our party play list daddy issues
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
