people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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