worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sext me about skeletons
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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