I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
