Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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